Chuck seated Chuck

A FEW years ago a statue of legendary local architect Charles Rennie Mackintosh was unveiled in Glasgow, portraying the great man on a chair, bending forward contemplatively.

It received many plaudits, though Diary correspondent David Donaldson believes it’s time to toss ‘Tosh.

“The towering genius of CRM deserves a better statue,” says David, who argues that the unusual choice of posing him seated, and moodily leaning forward, makes it appear as though the poor chap is suffering from constipation.

Adds David: “At least the statue of Donald Dewar at the top of Buchanan Street is standing up, and looks like he’s asking directions to Ralph Slater's.”

Ch-ch-ch-changes…

OUR readers are near perfect specimens of humanity, far superior to those barbaric troglodytes who opt to peruse other newspapers.

Even so, many of our noble tribe still seek to better themselves.

Reader Jennifer Nicholls says: “I've read so many terrible things about boozing recently that I’ve made a New Year's resolution. No more reading.”

Ropey excuse

WE continue celebrating inspired workplace monikers.

Reader Ken Nicholson recalls the human resources director who worked in the Clyde shipyards, and replied to every request for a pay increase by saying: "I'd love to do that, but my hands are tied."

Inevitably he was known as … The Hostage.

Cludgie goes classical

THE Diary recently discovered that there is a musical toilet mat for sale, which includes a fully operational keyboard. Our creative readers are now figuring out which tunes to play on it.

Ross Ballantyne from Bearsden suggests Beethoven's Movement Number 2.

Musical musings, continued

A NEW blockbuster movie, Maestro, celebrates the achievements of American composer Leonard Bernstein.

“Apparently his first work was initially called The Apartment,” says reader Walter Holland. “It was written in A Flat.”

Fighting talk

THE scientific Diary recently pondered the intriguing question of how long it would take a giraffe to throw up.

Which reminds reader Brandon Wyatt of an occasion when he was in a pub with some chums, and much beer had been imbibed.

Perhaps this was the reason why one of Brandon’s pals asked the group a most curious question.

“Which would be the most painful,” he enquired, “a right hook from an orangutan or a Glasgow kiss from a giraffe?”

Present imperfect

GIVING someone a gift shows a true generosity of spirit, points out reader Tim Ross, who adds: “I’d just like to say to everyone who I gave a book to at Christmas, they’re due back at the library tomorrow.”